Life is full of twist and turns

The past has come back and it's a strange feeling. I want to be intwined in my past but have to realize it will also always be my future also. I am flirting teasing and loving every moment of it. Crossing the line is so scary. I am so scared it's going to blow up in my face, and since I was so hurt before and paid such a high price by way of giving a child up its hard to cross that line with him again. I need in my life to feel alive again and have a twinkle back in my eyes. Is it the knowing in a round about way its risky that i am enjoying this challenge? Is it a realization time is slowing down? So i feel like is just twisting and turning right now hope i can keep up with it and survive.